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Embracing Who You Are. Pursuing Passions. LIVING Life.


Opening up about my anxiety

Anxiety is something many people now suffer with because we are constantly go go go and don't give ourselves a break. I didn't think I would write a post on anxiety but like many people, I've had anxiety - I still do but its not as bad. I didn't know why I was constantly feeling anxious, worrying and guilty until I googled the symptoms. I've had it for years but didn't expect it to have calmed down.

My anxiety developed at the beginning of high school (maybe earlier) where I remember constantly thinking about the subject drama and how I didn't want to act in front of my tutor group. I thought it was normal worrying every day about the same thing but now, I realised it was unnecessarily worrying. It got to the point where I didn't want to go to school that day and made up excuses. In high school I would always hand my homework in on time (heck even earlier) and work was always completed. This wasn't me being a nerd, I just felt like something really bad would happen if I didn't do it. Two years later when it came to my A-Level exams, me and my friend used to revise in the university library. I was constantly doing practice essays and didn't stop until I knew everything inside out. Do you see how this all links?

Then came university when my anxiety was getting deeper. I realised that i've always had a strict routine - everything had to be done by a specific time and if an assignment needed to be completed, I would begin doing it the day it was released. Again, I would submit it days before the deadline and my friends thought I was crazy. Did anyone else constantly be thinking about things? I felt like I couldn't think about anything else or just enjoy the day. Fast forward to my masters (this yr) where my anxiety levels increased. I was waking up at 6:30am (even earlier) every day including weekends so I could exercise. By the end of the day I was shattered and remember speaking to my friends about it who asked me why I couldn't wake up later and exercise. You know I told you how i've always had a strict routine? Yup that's it. I felt like I couldn't get out of it.

However, I came out of that routine when I moved back home. Things started to seem somewhat normal again. But that didn't last long.  It wasn't until a few months ago where my anxiety took a toll on me. This was due to the realisation that I needed to apply to jobs and figure out a career. I began waking up early again because now I had more to do other than a dissertation. Feelings of tiredness returned, loss of appetite and my relationships were being affected. I didn't experience these things on a deeper scale before so this was quite overwhelming.

 Now I feel a lot better alhamdulillah and have learnt   to deal with it. Taking one day off a week helps too!   You reach a stage where you have to do something   about it. Whether that's visiting your GP, reading   information online or talking to someone - just do it.  I was in a book shop yesterday and as my eyes     were scanning the room, I saw 'The Anxiety Journal'  by Psychologist Corinne Sweet. My friend   instantly told  me to buy it. I've only read a few   pages and it seems so real. Let me know if you want   a book review 😉

 Remember life is too short to constantly be worrying  about things. You WILL feel better. I promise💕

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